Every day there are millions of people who lose loved ones. Some portion of those people, like me, may have lost an abusive or less-than loving parent and be wondering: Should I go to the funeral of my abusive parent?, How do you have a funeral for a bad parent?, How do I give a Eulogy for my abusive parent? I struggled for many weeks with this dilemma. I'm one of 5 kids and all of them kept saying "someone needs to say something." Yet nobody was raising a hand. As one of the children planning the funeral, it seemed like it would fall to me. It seemed like they all assumed I would handle it. I'm one of the strong ones, albeit a tad of an outsider within the family...
How could I attend the funeral for a woman that physically and mentally abused me, a bad mother, a grandmother who was critical and difficult with my children, an alcoholic and prescription drug abusing woman who had fits of rage, a woman who I believe sexually abused my older brother. a mother that put family members in the hospital with injuries she inflicted? This woman, my mom has just passed away - I was numb. I didn't want to be around my siblings. I didn't want to go anywhere let alone the funeral. I couldn't decide how to be respectful yet honest. There was no way I was going to stand up saying she was the best mother ever. Yet I didn't want to write a scathing eulogy. I wanted to be honest about her poor treatment and how I felt - that was mixed emotions.
After much deliberation about what my mother had done to me and for me - I choose a road with subtle sign posts to the informed listener of the story of my mother's treatment of her children. It's here in between the lines, in the words said or not said. Here is how I wrote a eulogy for my bad-mom who didn't really love me or her other kids. Here is how my grieving and healing began.
I'm posting a portion of my eulogy here - so perhaps others might have a bit of a guide to how one person approached their own difficult situation. This is a long long blog...
